My mind says yes and my body says NO!

Hi there πŸ™‚ cold hands, warm heart here  βœŒ💗


Since I am currently listening to little mix ‘FU’ I think this should be dedicated to my illnesses today haha! I am in no way a negative nelly but when you really want to do something or go somewhere and your body is shouting at you saying

“NO”

It’s really hard not to think negative things about your body and how you are unable to do such simple things. 

Atleast my brain and body were in cahoots at the beginning of the day (kind of) well if im honest it starts off by saying

“Yes Heather you can do this today, you got sleep and you can do what you need to do today”

then as the minutes go on throughout the day my bodies voice starts getting louder and louder at me to stop whatever it is that I am doing and rest and do nothing.  Then by the time ive been up around an hour or two it is as if ive been up jogging and doing a full on body work out all morning. I used to study musical theatre so I know what that feels like πŸ™‚ haha! I used to go to the gym nearly every night after college or university, and even after doing those things I still didn’t feel as absolutlely dreadful as I do right now.

baring in mind upto now today i have only –

had my breakfast, brushed the bottoms of my hair, washed my face and hands in a bowl and gotten dressed, oh and had afew chats with my mum and listened to some of the ‘glory days’ album :)) (a girls gotta have fun right) ;’) well thats my fun! )

Oh and actually if my positive brain was awake just then it should have kicked in and told me it’s not ‘only ‘ those things.. I shouldn’t be dismissing them as tiny achievements, yes to a “normal”  (hate that word) hahaha 😂 person it would be, but to me it’s actually pretty huge!  

*unwillingly gives self pat on the back* 😒

so where was i?

oh yeah, so after just doing those few things, i feel about 100000000 times worse than how i used to feel after a full days musical theatre and spending afew hours at the gym. It’s still extremely hard for me to accept I can’t do things I used to do without even thinking, if I’m honest I don’t think I have. 

My plan today was originally going to be to go out with my mum in the car for a little drive around and get some fresh air. Although today I think my body won… 😨

Body – 1

Mind – 0

Ah well who wants to get freezing cold and snuffly outside anyways?? 😂 I’d much rather stay wrapped up in my hat and scarf, keeping all cosy warm β›„β›„🐢 so that’s when I decided to do my blog πŸ˜€

To anyone who actually reads this I just want you to know how even if lifting your head off the pillow,  or having a drink of water are your ‘only’ achievements today…. They are huge to me and I understand how even those things can seem impossible about 90% of the time!  Plus plus plus plus you read my blog…. Now that’s got to be a MASSIVE gold star 🌟🌟🌟 right??  😛

I’m going to go now as my arms are starting to really hurt, chronic illness messed with the wrong rambling writer 😂😂💝 think that’s my new name!!!! 

Bye for now 

Rambling writer πŸ˜€

CH ✌ WH 💗

My microwave achievement 😱

Hey guys πŸ˜€

Just thought I’d share a little bit about today and my accomplishment. It’s still a very big challenge for me to be able to actually accept tiny things as an achievement. Being open and honest to people about how I feel is something I struggle with massively, I’m still anxious about sharing my story…. So bare with me πŸ˜‚πŸ’•

It’s been nearly two years now since I made a meal for myself… Well I say made I actually mean ‘ walk into the kitchen, sit on the computer chair, press buttons on microwave, have afew spins on the chair (compulsory of course) Β and then lift out my food and head back into the living room. Β 

Ok so that ^^^^ up there may sound like nothing but for me it’s absolutely a big thing! 😱 I’m learning to credit myself for the little things *pat on the back Heather*

“OUCH”

Ok maybe I’m not upto the patting on the back part as my lovely muscles have just let me know, Β but hey I accomplished it 😁

I know no one knows my story, or what I’ve been through over the past 2 years but due to Dysautonomia, Gastroparesis and severe Chronic fatigue syndrome, I ended up bedridden for around 6 months and prior to that approximately 9+ hours a day having to lie down for around a year. This therfore as you can imagine made me lose alot and nearly all of my muscle mass. Which resulted in me having extreme Anxiety, InsomniaΒ and PTSD from everything I had and was going through.

Phewwwww that horrible brief summary out of the way, Β I can breathe now πŸ‘ πŸ˜‚Β 

It still terrifies me to share my story, but every day I’m inspired by so many people. Whether Β it be on Facebook support groups, or through friends I’ve made through being ill, I’m so blessed to be able to read other peoples tales and experiences. I’m pretty sure so many people in the last two years have helped me, through sharing their journeys, without even knowing …. So now it’s my turn πŸ™ˆ Β 

After all that rambling, I nearly forgot what the point of this “short” blog was πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Achievement – Microwave meal – πŸ‘πŸŒŸ

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One small step to the world…. One huge step for heathers tummy 😁

Byeeee for now πŸ‘‹

Hugs and love πŸ’ž

It just takes the first step….Β 

Hiiiiiiyaaa, Β so this is me taking my first step ..starting my blog. Over the past few years I’ve taken a lot of firsts….but for some reason this first has been one of those things I’ve just not been able to do, Β until now yayyyyy πŸ˜€Β 

So as you can see already I’m abit of a rambler, Β as I’ve already said all that ^^ and haven’t even introduced myself! Β I’m Heather.. Or Hevz to my friends or sillyhead or my nana calls me sweetiepie, so youno take your pick 😁

I’ve wanted to share my journey through the ups and downs of my life for so long and I’m just so blessed now I’m in a place where I can do it. I’ve always wanted to be a writer of some kind, so what better place to get back into it than a blog right?

I most probably will be writing about my tug of war with my chronic illnesses and anything else that inspires me to blab on πŸ’•

That’s about all for now

Nice to meet you πŸ‘‹πŸ‘‹